What If I Was More Affectionate?

My bro and I had a date last Sunday. We each had a chicken in our meals. Mine was the wings part, his was the breast part. Everyone in the family knows how much my brother dislikes the breast part of the chicken.

This is for the 30-day writing challenge I’m currently doing.

Knowing that fact, I wanted to exchange my chicken part with his so he can enjoy his meal too. But I didn’t know how to say it. “Here, take my chicken wings instead cause I love you?” I’m not that kind of person.

A few seconds later, my bro asked if I wanted my wings. That was my cue so it won’t be awkward from my end to offer, I told him we can exchange instead. But he told me, “Nah, it’s okay, I know you like wings, I’ll stick with this one cause I love you.” 

You know how I reacted?

“Dude, I cringe.”

“What? I just said something.”

“Exactly. You do not say those.”

And we laughed.

Whenever I hug my bro or my younger sister, they pretend to be grossed out. Maybe they really are, but also maybe because they don’t know how to react either. None of us are affectionate by nature. So we really have no idea how to express or react to these things.

When my bro and I got home, I got a call from my mom, she thought I called her but that was actually yesterday, so instead of hanging up, I asked where she was and all that. Later on I was hearing one of my aunt talking to me instead, telling me that I *should* be sweeter yada yada as she based from our call. That I should talk sweeter so I’m not just pretty but sweet too.

I got pissed off. For one, because I technically got called to get a sermon, and two, because why the hell am I being told that I *should* be sweet?

It’s not like I do it on purpose. I just don’t exactly know how it’s done so it’s completely new to me. And being told that I *should* be someone affectionate pissed me off.

Imagine how hard it is for me in a relationship. My love language is simply time. I can’t say I love you and any other sweet thing that much. I don’t like the idea of physical contact that much. And I don’t like being dependent nor being always depended on. How am I supposed to be a good girlfriend more so wife in the future?

Honestly, I just badly wanted to rant about what happened earlier. But I also thought, what if I was actually a little sweeter? Would I see the world a little better? Would I be able to appreciate things a little more? Would I attract the opposite sex more? Would I feel a little more fulfilled? These are some questions I have. Though honestly, it’s something that I don’t want to happen. I don’t want to be more affectionate. I love being the independent and awkward girl and I just need to find people who can appreciate that too.

 

 

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