Craving might be a little too much of a word, but I do think about love and kind of miss it sometimes. I got used to being independent in many ways that I’m not even sure if I like the feeling, or just the idea of it.
Whenever I’m asked why I’m single, I always reply with the same thing – wala akong time (I don’t have enough time). And it’s probably because I juggle a lot of things in my hands that are much more important than sending sweet messages or dating, or getting warm cuddles. I can’t possibly be a responsible partner when I know for myself I can’t allot time as much as I can in the other things I find important in my life. And that’s one of the main reasons I choose and try my best not to just fall in love, and not just to anyone.
But somehow, it’s frustrating too. You see your former classmates getting engaged, friends with their boyfriends as their travel buddies, leading ladies in romance films, strangers with life-size teddy bear and a 2-dozen bouquet of white roses – and you’re there, just there, watching and somehow hoping you get that kind of experience too. Even for just a short span of time.
I know it’s a choice not to get myself involved with any relationship or hook-up or fling, but I kinda miss the idea. I kinda miss the thought of someone telling me to eat my meals, calling me during the night just to say good night, binge eating random things, going for long walks and the simple thought of having someone back you up no matter the circumstance. But I am kind of afraid in meeting the wrong people despite knowing these mistakes makes up who you are.
I don’t know if this is just a product of watching too much chick flicks, or noticing too much happy couples around me. It doesn’t outweigh how I love being single. Just hearing some of the people I know rant about how stressful it is to have a boyfriend kills my idea of wanting one. But it really is a thought that’s been going on in my head for a while now. And honestly, I dunno if it’s a good thing or a bad thing or just something I can just try to ignore and hopefully it’ll just fade away.
Right now, I’m just only aiming for the boost of my career growth and personal development.
Related – Ang Ma-fall Talo (Whoever Falls in Love Loses)
Daily Prompt – Craving
Life and Lemons 