DAILY: Competence Anxiety

Ever experienced coming across a great opportunity but somehow you question if you can actually manage? If you can pull it off? If you can face it with a head up with no hesitation? If you can be strong while you’re vulnerable? That’s how I feel right now…

For several months now, I’ve always told my boss, Mark and my other boss, Kae, that I’m looking forward to more challenges, knowledge and experience within or out the company if that’s where it’ll take me.

Related – My Quarter life Crisis Plan B

My goals somewhat came true when last June, one of my bosses, Mark, told me that he was eyeing me for another position. I was excited of course, since I always wanted to learn new things. But it wasn’t until at a later time before the position is finalized to the details.

In the same month, Kae also resigned from our office, and she sent me a short heartwarming message, quoting “…I tried to fight for your growth in the org hahaha, sana they give it to you soon!!”

Yesterday, July 26, Mark and I had a short discussion regarding the fine print of the position he eyes me for. Long story short, it was way different from my current work. It’s more demanding, requires more competency and thinking, and is generally a much harder job. He even told me that he wants the position to be filled by someone who they can trust and have done a good job.

As much as I’m happy he was convincing me to go for it (and even laying out several pros of taking the job), I’m also a little bit worried with me actually going for it. I don’t know if I can do it.

We also talked about how Kae was a great Project Manager (she was my direct supervisor so I know) so I kind of think Kae fighting for my growth in the org had a great bearing too before they decided to offer me the position. Which made me feel more anxious about the thought.

worried-computer_2696497bI want to, I really really do. It’s a boost in my growth, not just in my career but as a person. It’s also a great challenge to me, but I feel frustrated that I won’t live up to their expectations. I’m normally a go-getter for these scenarios if I know they’re for my good, but this time, I feel like I’d be crumbling their trust not to mention destroy my image in the office for good.

I’m a natural pessimist with the outcome’s I’ll produce, but this time, I’m extremely worried and I’m really questioning my competency in the matter.

People are telling me my bosses had a reason for choosing me, probably saw something in me that made me fit for the role, but I can’t get rid of my worries just with that thought. It’s a real crisis for me right now.

But moving on, I’m up for the challenge and will be taking on the offer. I’m just hoping I’ll be capable of what I need to do. And you know what? If you’re facing a similar situation, give it a go, this is the sign you’re looking for.

Daily Prompt – Crisis

Related – Read my other daily posts here 
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