We got hurt, but even if it was just me, I would never wish not to have met any of you.

My bitches and I went to a splendid and somewhat spontaneous lunch out to Tagaytay recently. And while the food we ate and things we did were fun, I’d say the company and conversations we had is my favorite.

Whenever I’m rejecting a suitor or committing myself to any relationship, I always make it a point to ask myself if he can possibly be”the one.” I don’t want to waste time or feelings in any relationship when I’m fully aware that one or both of us will end up shattered. As cold as it may sound, but save the friendship is my motto. And if we can’t be friends, at least we won’t hate each other.

After a bright conversation with my best friend Sherwin, he mentioned of a show he watched that made me blog about this.

Brody Moyer: You know, a part of me thought maybe she could’ve been “the one.”

Mr. Mansfield: Oh, come on. I’m a romantic myself. Hell, I have a heart the size the head of a baby. I believe in “the one.” In fact, I believe in a thousand “the ones.”

Brody Moyer: Sir, I’m not sure you understand the concept of “the one.”

Mr. Mansfield: There are a lot of “the ones.” There’s the one you meet in college, the one you meet backpacking through Europe, the one who convinces you that you actually look good in white jeans. But the one you meet in your 30s, when you’ve finally made it, if you’re very lucky, that’s “the one” you marry.

-excerpt from the show Ground Floor.

We do meet a lot of “the one” and I couldn’t agree more.

To the one who taught me how to love and got me hurt

I feared that loving someone and losing someone are the extremes of feelings. That there’s nothing that can make things any happier or more painful.

But thank you.

Because if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have known how it feels to love and be loved. If it weren’t for you I would never have found out that life can be a beautiful place. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have thought that someone as imperfect as me can find someone and feel for someone as much as my own. And while you feel all of that, it can also all just be gone.

It was a bliss, truly. You were one of my greatest lessons. I would never regret every little second of us- when our eyes met the first time in mutual connection to the unspoken silence of a goodbye years apart. It all became a part of me, of where I am, of who I became, and I’m content. So thank you.


To the one I had to let go

I needed an escape from all the pressure, the drama, the unending shenanigans. And while I ran away, my pursue for escape didn’t measure up over my feelings.

I thought loving someone is enough to break through walls. But I guess it wasn’t… or maybe you just weren’t the one I’m supposed to break a wall with. I was naive to think that love can go so easily as long as you have each other. But I guess it wasn’t either.

But life just works like that.. It’s an endless pursuit for happiness that we think we’ll find in love, in two people- in each other’s arms. But for us, it wasn’t.


To the one who I broke in pieces

Maybe it wasn’t time. Maybe it was. It’s a challenging world but we need to face it either way. Sometimes you hurt people intentionally and unintentionally for the better.. or for selfish reasons. We are all kind of selfish, right?

But maybe I was more selfish than “kind of.” Because I killed your drive for anything else. I killed your freedom to choose someone else.

It hurts to know I was the one who got your pieces whole… but back to pieces again. It hurts why I can’t just learn to reciprocate and make it easier for the both of us. Why can’t I give the same intensity and burning passion of appreciation you do?

I want to love you the same level but I can’t teach myself to. It just doesn’t work that way. I want to hate you so you can hate me back, but you don’t. i don’t have an idea what made your feelings so special from the others.

It hurts how I can’t put back the pieces together because I’m afraid you’ll eventually turn into dust.. and I’m sorry that I can’t do just that.