DAILY: Me on Losing Someone

Some time near the end of September, my colleague, Stephen, passed away from Acute Myeloid Leukemia. I started working with him in July, so it wasn’t really a long working relationship. But please allow me to post this despite that.

30-grief-tips1

Stephen is really nice, and I’m not just saying that. He’s easily paranoid, something he also admits, but he has a really good heart and he always has a smile on his face.

Even though we only worked for a short while, his personality is something I know I can jive with. But sadly, we weren’t in any connection other than work.

I actually wanted to close that gap then, so I stalked him till I found his blog- with hopes of finding something that we can actually talk about… and maybe be friends more than officemates. One thing that marks, is that he also likes anime. When I visited the office, I even mentioned that to him as a random ice breaker.

When we talked 1 on 1, he did ‘praised’ me. That he had no problems with my work and he’s glad I’m there to assist him when he needs me. And we actually just went on for a short random conversation then.

That’s pretty much it.

When he was in the hospital, I wanted to visit him, but I’m gonna admit it wasn’t enough for me to go. For one, it was too far. And two, we weren’t even close and it’ll just be awkward. But I never failed to pray for his fast recovery daily.

When he passed, I felt a little sad. I didn’t attend to his wake for some personal reasons.

Though I didn’t have any close attachment to him and there was no intense crying, I still felt kind of strange to actually know someone who’s now gone. It was a first for me. I actually feel a little sad too that we weren’t able to bridge the gap. We ween’t able to hang out out of office, or even get lunch together.

Some of you might think it’s a little hypocrite of me to be blogging about feelings and all about someone I’m not necessarily even friends with, but it doesn’t change the fact that it still has even a minor impact.

I realized how much it would hurt if it was someone I’m close to. How many folds it would be, how much more sadness it would bring. And I couldn’t imagine I’ll be able to bear the pain of losing someone I’m close with. And as much as I want to hope that time doesn’t come.. it would.. and I would never be ready for that moment.

Hey Stephen! I hope you’re all good up there! See you again someday!

Daily Prompt – Realize

RELATED – READ MY OTHER DAILY POSTS HERE 

 

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