It’s been a few weeks since buying a new camera to replace my retiring Nikon came to mind. I was able to save up for the current unit I’m eyeing… but (yes, there’s always a but) it’s also almost my sister’s new semester.

So I’m gonna admit I pondered over something which lead me to write a blog post about this topic, so I wish to share with everyone who has the same scenario and hopefully we can be sad and happy together.

Now, before you judge, I’ll let you know that besides the fact that I help financially with house expenses, I also help with my sister’s schooling. My mother, my brother, and I share the expenses for the bi-yearly call for wallet dusts. I’ve got “my share” covered on that. But then I realized… if I am to weigh my camera and my sister’s tuition fee to what’s priority, needless to say what’s more important. Given that, if I can actually spare cash to get a new camera, certainly I could (and should) put it somewhere that’s of better use, somewhere that would lessen the burden of more people- my mom and bro.

I know what decision to make. But I can’t bring myself to clear my thoughts on how kind of sad it is too. I’m the one who took effort into earning that ‘extra cash’ but I”m not the one who’s gonna use it for something that makes me happy. Sure, helping out would make me happy too, but maybe not as happy as if I used it for my own… or at least, that’s how I think it would feel.

Then I realized… if I were to buy a camera now, I probably won’t use it anytime soon and it’ll just sit with my other things I don’t use daily. I can just save up for it again. But giving some more extra right now will make it lighter on my mom’s part since she has to cover the part we can’t. Our family business isn’t really in-season these months so I’m pretty sure it’s more needed too.

I was discussing this with my best friend when I thought “sana kasi mayaman na lang kami” (I hope we were actually rich) But I shrug that thought off immediately for three reasons.

If we were rich, I won’t appreciate everything I have as much as now

I learned that working hard for something feels better than anything being handed over like it’s an easy privilege. I learned to look at even the little things in a bigger perspective because I know the feeling of starting from low or none at all.

If we were rich, I didn’t have to save up for all the lenses and photography accessories I ever bought or my occasional travel trips. In fact, I might have gotten more than what I was able to provide for myself- probably two laptops instead of one, and maybe three cars and my personal driver. But then, it won’t feel the same way. I feel like something you didn’t work hard for feels like an empty goal. The experience to get anything is the one that can truly serve as a treasure and a great memory more than any material thing you can get.

It’s convenient, but it just doesn’t spark my interest. Something so often would be not be so special or of more value.

 

If we were rich, I probably have a different personality

Probably a new set of friends, and probably a whole different set of characteristics that will mold my whole identity.

With the first reason as well, I’d look at things differently and won’t be able to appreciate everything I’ve got… which may mean I won’t have respect for people who only have so little but strive hard, or spend time with people who have lesser than what I can get.

That idea makes me pretty sad, because I love my personality. I love how I appreciate the little things and I love the friends I have in my life right now and I wouldn’t exchange them for any riches.

 

If we were rich, I won’t be striving a lot for a better version of everything

Handed with everything on a silver platter- I won’t have to work hard for it, so I don’t need to do something to earn more, experience more, or strive for any more than what is already handed down.

I’ll be okay with what I become just going with the flow since I’ll still be getting more than the average person. And to top that off, I don’t have to do anything to get them, except probably simply calling for what I need or swiping a plastic card on the electronic machines.