There’s always two people in a relationship. One who loves, and one who loves more.

A friend of mine is in the moving on phase, aka, hell. And summing all our conversations up, I think I also learned from what I said than what she can fully absorb. And I’m sharing it here for anyone who needs some healing too. Hope you can also pick up a thing or two.

Be prepared for the worst. I told her I wasn’t dictating what she should do, but if I were in her place, I would ask if the guy still loves me. And if she does, she has to be prepared if he answers no and what she needs to do next. If you’re not willing to ask, then you’re not willing to let go of the feeling. And dwelling into it is not how moving on really works.

She wanted to ask that same question, but the guy didn’t want to see him. I asked her, “isn’t that already enough to answer your question?” Sometimes, no closure is the closure. 

It’s not always enough to just love someone to endure all the pain, especially if the other one isn’t ready to sacrifice the same way.

And even with the disclaimer that I’m not a promoter of breakups nor bitter of happily ever afters, I emphasized, “it’s hard to hold unto something you’re unsure where it’s leading.”

Don’t restrict yourself to someone just because you love him, yes, it’s fun to love and be loved, but there are times that you should also think if all your efforts are still worth it especially if giving that kind of importance to someone is not mutual.

She told me it’s so difficult to move on, and I told her, “That’s reality when you allow yourself to fall in love.” Whoever falls in love, loses. You have to know what you want to do next and stick to it, because the more you wait and linger, the more you’re making yourself vulnerable.

She asked me, “why am I the only one hurt?” And I told her, “because you allow the situation to.”

When we love, we can be really stubborn. We fix ourselves to the idea of loving and wanting the person that we disregard ourselves and seek for happiness in that someone instead of ourselves. 

Moving on is difficult, it’s a tiring process. I took 5 years. But through those 5 years are lessons that I want to take in my future relationship and I don’t regret any of them.