As I set one foot at a time away from the Tamaraw grounds on my last day in school, I felt, at last, happy, foreseeing myself in a 3-piece outfit beneath skyscrapers and street lights, but behind the smile I assumed I’ll be carrying around with my head up high, is a disguised subtle fear I cannot just ignore. Truth be told, it hurts to part even though I have always been looking forward to that very day.
Four years ago, I was that kid, always in the back of the room, never stood up for recitation, cut classes, made plates a few hours before due, got 3’s- a lot of them in fact, and a shameful 5.0. And as I look back to my previous years, I can’t help but laugh a little at the young me, the oblivious indifferent me. I was part of a circle of so-called friends, who are not graduating with the rest of the batch and are currently in a pool of failed subjects who I would have been part of. Our circle soon was chopped into small groups, which later on became just me and my current best friend who was just a new member of our group then.
He’s a dreamer, a scholar, a kind-hearted very optimistic man. He became my inspiration. It was shameful on my part to be close friends with someone who always had perfect scores during exams when I only get half of his grade. That’s when I realized, I should not have been relaxing the past years. I could have nailed my classes easily, but instead, I chose to be content with getting a passing mark. I could have been a Cum Laude. But it’s all too late.
When he learned I always wanted to join the FEU Advocate but was scared because I had no one with me, he encouraged me to sign up. Came TamHunt 2012, he insisted I should take the exam. That’s when I told myself, if I failed it, I’ll stop writing. I’ve been writing since elementary, and it’s a bit embarrassing if after so many years, I didn’t improve. But then, I did receive a text telling me I passed. Then came the interview, I passed once again. It was uplifting to know that at least my skills were good enough to be part of the university’s student publication. Little did I know that it would render me with such beautiful and unforgettable experiences.
Like what most of the probies do, I was only found very often in the office at first. I would tail back my best friend just so I can assure I have someone to talk to. And if I needed to go there, I would do the usual “Good morning/afternoon po” routine and have no one notice. Wait for someone to engage a conversation with yme and pretend to be texting someone to not look awkward. And of course, saying “bye po” when no one’s even listening. It gives me quite a laugh when I see the newbies after me do that.
Besides a free air-conditioned place to hang-out, were meeting a bunch of people, experiences new things, reaching new places and learning more than what classrooms can offer. I was able to meet all sorts of people, from students to professionals, go to different places such as Quezon and Bataan, and develop my skills in writing that I thought was already good enough considering the competitions I entered and praises I got in the past. It was fulfilling to have yourself out of the four corners of classrooms and experience new things.
I strived to get my grades high when I found out that these publication staffers would slap you with pressure. Seeing EB members with latin honors dragged me down my already sinking state of having an intelligent best friend. But I took the challenge.
Time went fast-paced, or so I thought. Breaks and day-offs would be conducting interview time, an hour of break felt like 10 minutes, and months of headache inducing minor subjects and sleep depriving major plates passed as if nothing happened.
I soon became an EB member and a fourth year Fine Arts student. First semester was fine compared to the second, considering my edge as a writer and love for research, I didn’t find myself lacking my usual 8-hour sleep to finish my thesis paper. But having my shop up and running together with it was a challenge. I soon had people around me ignored. I soon failed to do my part as a girlfriend to my patient boyfriend then. Till I decided to cut ties so I wouldn’t be filled with conscience of not doing my responsibilities as a part of that relationship. No regrets.
Second sem came, I remember telling my best friend that the fourth years before only lacked time management and it was unnecessary to be burning eyebrows to stay awake. I ate that. Because disregarding the charter-filled Sundays, I became too laxed, especially during Christmas vacation where I did literally nothing. I thought I could finish everything when classes resumed. It was late when I realized that I only had a little over a month to finish my look book, revise my paper, finalize my campaign, be an EB member, manage my shop’s clients and be a daughter altogether. I had to rush photoshoots every week in January just to get my thesis in progress. I would often see myself crying while I manipulate the photos I’m working on because I knew I had so little time. I was in the midst of debating over just dropping the subject and hoping panelists don’t fail graduating students. I was battling over what was right and what was good for me. It was a tough call when I thought fading away as an Advocate member would make things easier. I’m glad I didn’t.
And as much as I summarized what is already written, I can see it is already long and people would just probably scroll past this post. But then, I realized, thanking some people is necessary since I wouldn’t have been like this if it weren’t for them.
Armen, obviously.
Honestly at first, I thought of you as a ‘rival’ in everything. I wanted to surpass your achievements especially academics, but then I realized, I didn’t have to to prove myself better. I know we have the same mindset of boosting and supporting each other when needed, and I always thank God that I have a person totally opposite of me to actually understand me.
Thank you, Jarmen, for listening to my boring redundant dramas about love, family- mostly love, for dragging me into FEU Advocate, for giving me advices, constant reminders, and scolding me accordingly, for the random-day text messages, getting me back home when it’s late at night, sacrificing your time to accompany me to some places, for accepting me more than how my family sees me and for the most recent, going to MOA to hear my drama when I texted even if I know you were tired from OJT. Alam mo naman gaano ako ka-thankful (at selfish) na nag-transfer school ka, nag-shift ng course, na-delay, at napasama sa tropa. I’m sorry if I’m not the best-est friend you could have, but I did try. Sana hindi ka magsawa makinig sa mga drama ko, sana hindi ka magsawang maging best friend ko. Thank you for being my kuya, tatay, ‘boyfriend’, classmate, orgmate, friend. I couldn’t ask for a better best friend more than you. Hearts.
Gian, my ‘dad’
You’re not the first person I was friends with from their circle and for a short time I thought you actually disliked me. But you are the first person that willingly ‘adopted’ me into the group. I really appreciate that, Gi. Sobrang idol ko yung attachment mo sa friends mo. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing, but I’m happy I’m one of the people you consider as ‘best friend’ (re: your letter). I always felt I was an alien in your circle, having less than 2 years of friendship over your strong 4-year relationship with the others. That’s probably one of the reasons why I always thought of myself as someone just part of the ‘courtesy call’. I’m glad you feel otherwise (re: letter again) I’m super thankful I met you. I wouln’t deny I really needed a bossier-than-myself friend and an ever-supporting dad in my college years. I’ll never forget you.
Jed!! of course!
Jedibelss!! My feels cannot contain how much I am grateful to have you as a friend. Disregarding all those accompanying for my shoots, for photoshooting me, and our support group, I see you as more than just my photographer or coffee buddy. I always felt that you’re really my friend, that despite our short friendship, you were true to your treatment with me and I can say I feel the sincerity of our friendship in it. Kahit na hindi ka masyadong open sa tao about what you feel, I can say we are alike in a lot of things. You’ll always be my favorite photographer, coffee and breakfast buddy, and friend. Iloveyo.
Jaysel
Ever since you told me about your feelings about girl friends not having you as their first choice for ladies’ room routines, I felt the need to reach out to you. It never occurred to me you felt that way to others. I always saw you as the jolly pretty lady I wish I was. Ang tingin ko sa’yo, if I’m putting books to analogy, is ‘yung part ng popular group, pero not the bitch popular group, you get what I mean. What I can’t forget is when you mentioned “barkada natin” to one certain conversation we had as were walking to Infinitea. I thought for a certain time before you’re one of which who didn’t really liked me, that explains my reaction then if you still remember. I’m just thankful that you accepted me in. Haha. Ang babaw ko, I know. I really want to be close to you, Jays. I believe we have things in common, that we can’t share to our guy friends, which is another common thing about us, having more guy friends. I’m glad I met you. Stay pretty.
Benok
Labs! Hi. 🙂 Salamat sa pagiging isa sa pinaka mabait at pinaka walang reklamong kaibigan n nakilala ko. Salamat sa lahat ng hug, at pagpepet mo sakin Hahaha! Mahahanap mo rin someday yung short hair na maliit na babae ng buhay mo hahaha! Mamimiss kita sobraaa. 😦 You’ll be my only labs talaga.
‘mommy’ Ochie
I’m sure everyone would agree with me if I say you’re one of the best people someone could be friends with. Behind those laughters, those smiles, those jokes, I know malungkot ka, pero you never allowed that to overshadow your wanting of happiness. I super admire you for that. Yung pagiging sobrang concerned mo with your friends is remarkable. Yung walang halong plastic. I would never forget you. I love you Ochiebels 🙂
Aicel
Even though hindi tayo super close, FEU Advocate was a fine way for me to know you more. You never failed to practice professionalism even though we’re in the same circle of friends. You’re one of the few people I know who I can say doesn’t want to burden anyone to the point na parang ikaw na gumagawa ng lahat. Praning ka man, you always want the best. Isa ka sa mga matured na taong nakilala ko, able to handle difficult people and stress at the same time. Sobrang swerte ni Tequico sa’yo. I know you have a bright future ahead. I hope we can bond some time, Lalabels, out of school. 🙂 Hart hart.
P.S. Tangkad mo sa pic na to. Hahaha!
Mich
Hey their my new legit friend. Hahaha! At least at the last phase of our college years we became friends na. Hahaha. I always thought of you as one of those silent bitches, like in novels and films, me as a shy no one. Never pumasok sa isip ko maging friend ka till I learned you were in the same circle kanila Gian. I felt the need to, hey she doesn’t seem like what I thought of her. Pero ang tagal bago dumating ung opportunity for us to talk. Thus, our support group was formed due to one common interest – coffee. Ang galing lang. haha! Feel ko close na kita agad, sorry kung FC ko lang minsan Hahaha. Salamat sa pakikinig sa Peter feels ko HAHAHA. I am still thinking of a nickname for you, wait lang. :))) Stay gorgeous 🙂
PEM!!
Bakit wala ko makitang ibang picture na tayong dalawa lang? T___T I want to thank you for all the Klaine ships, Shingeki ships, the few breakfast and coffee dates and everything else in between. Tingin ko sa’yo you really value friendship, which I really commend. Lalakad pa rin kita kay bespren kung gusto mo. hahaha Char. I’m sorry, di ko na alam sasabihin T_T I love you Pemy 🙂
FILSEC!!
Guyth! Mahal ko kayo. Sorry if I’m not the best editor you’ll have. I’m sorry if I have failed to reach out to some of you. I’m sorry if you think I’m incapable of handling our section. Thank you for staying with me. Please, mahalin niyo section natin. Always remember what to prioritize and what not to neglect as well. I’ll always be proud of us.
Dan, ikaw na bahala sa section natin ha, ikaw na bahala sa kanila.
Love our section guys. It’s what gonna keep us from falling. 🙂
kuya Ralph
Hoy. Thank you for being one of the first people who befriended me when I got in FEU Advocate. Thank you for always covering up if I need immediate illustrations for our page and for re-doing artworks ‘pag nafeel ko lang na ayaw ko :)) Thank you for accompanying me during shoots and to treats for food and movie feels trip, and for teasing and bullying me which I admit I missed from way back HS. At alam mo naman gaano ka kagulo kausap. Hahaha! Mind boggling. Thank you sa pagta-tiyaga sa dramas ko. I would admit you will be missed.
MP, Empoy, Marione!!!
BAKIT WALA TAYONG PICTURE?????? Wala ko makita. But I really want to thank you for the ff:
1. Pagiging sobrang bibbo kid sa Advo.
2. Pagpapahiram ng speedlight at pag-PA sa shoot ko sa Luneta kahit bumabagyo, tapos di ka na natuloy sa UAAP game.
3. Pagpapahiram ng camera kahit biglaan lang ako nagtext. Sorry pala ‘di ko nasabing tatakbo ako pa-NAPW n’un. Pero it was hell of an experience first time ko nagshoot with Canon. I had fun. 😀
4. D’un sa ID case! Huehuehue.
5. Sa groupies ng section namin.
6. Sa photos n’ung grad.
7. Thank you for trusting me with #2 and #3.
Ano pa ba?
Thankful ako sobra kasi life saver ka. Kahit madalas mo ko inaasar, I can say you’re a really kind person. Swerte si Eva sa’yo 🙂 I hope I can see you when I drop by the office next AY.
P.S. ‘Yung sinabi ko sa’yo n’ung Transition, if you still remember, I meant that. 🙂
EB1314
Hey, guys. Nagpapasalamat din ako sa charter-filled days natin. Kasi it helped us to be closer, somewhat, at least.
kuya Jerome
Accountancy + EIC? Nastress ako. I always hated Math even though yung school ko dati Math ang expertise. So I admire how you’re able to handle both. I have not much to say since ‘di naman talaga tayo close, not like may iba akong close sa EB maliban kay Jarmen -_- pero yeah, idol talaga kita kuya J. 🙂
ate KC
You are younger than me by a few months, pero there would never come a time where I’ll just call you by your name, I respect you so much, be it as my ME, or as a friend. Siguro, ‘di nga talaga tayo naging close, pero I always admired you for several reasons, ‘yung ability mo to handle things, to balance your sched, and everything else. I always told Armen na super ideal girlfriend ka talaga kung ‘di lang ako naging babae. I don’t know. Siguro sa’yo ko kasi nakikita yung mga bagay na kulang sa akin. Yung sa grad pic, my ate passed away when she was young, ‘di ko siya naabutan, pero if she lived, I hope she’s like you. Ewan ko kung bakit. Basta yun. XD Thank you for taking care of me despite myself being a burden, alam ko naman at some point you thought of me as that. So I want to thank you sa pagta-tiyaga sa akin. You will always be my ate.
kuya Juju
Sobrang inggit ako on how you’re able to handle News in a very professional but at the same time, friendly way. Something I was not able to do with my section. I’m sorry if I rarely read News page. XDD I find it gray talaga XD Pero yeah, idol kita kuya Juju, maliban sa famewhore side. Haha!
Ate Nikky
Wala pong joke n’ung sinabi kong crush kita. HAHAHA! Basta yun. I really find you cool kasi, and really pretty. Thank you po sa pag-alalay sa’kin for the past year. Column mo talaga favorite ko since I started reading Advocate. 😀 Stay pretty ate. XD
CJ
Bebeee. Thank you mehehe, sa pakikinig at pakiki-update sa kwento ko Hahaha! Sa mga random kwentuhans natin at sa pagsama mo sa akin sa shoot ko last time. I still look forward to our fashion shoot some time ‘pag balik mo sa Pinas 🙂 You’re always that bubbly girl that I know despite having so many problems. Mamimiss kita 🙂 Pero, extended family ka na ba talaga ng Fil? HAHAHA! XD Anak! Charaughtttt. XD
Life and Lemons 