Breakeven: The Act of Moving On

I’ve heard of several stories that tell different plots, tales that offer different casts, settings, and flow. Almost each one connects to one common consequence. The act of moving on.

For some reason, moving on seems out of the question. Just like love, it’s duration is without a single hint from our expectations. More so how we act upon the situation or the duration of this so-called ‘life-goes-on’ state bringing us to the point of being intertwined with reality.

Breakeven

“What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?” A part of the lyrics from the song by The Script, Breakeven. Breakups are done for when things no longer go the way they used to and cannot be healed once again, but how do we move forward when all that we can offer was always that someone?

Hurting is one thing that most certainly equips each side, but like the song says, “When a heart breaks, no it don’t break even.” Yes, it doesn’t. One party would surely be more hurt than the other. One suffers more than the other. It is pretty much one-sided and is therefore difficult since the person who helps you bear all the pain is the reason for it.

Envisioning reality

I know people who encountered these kind of conflict within themselves, how it appears to be near impossible to continue life without the presence of the other, how we seem to wake up each day hoping that the shattered pieces would be mend once again, how we reminisce the former bond that we once had thought to be perfect.

Armen, a 21-year old college student broke up with his girlfriend for almost a year now. Fate seems to play with them as their relationship ended much sooner than expected. Devoting his 8 months to his partner and ending up with none. He thought that may be, going out with someone else would divert his attention and start to forget about his ex. Eventually realizing that he still has not yet totally moved on with his ex besides the fact that he was dating another.

“Malungkot [ako] para sa kanya. Kasi alam ko mahal niya ko pero, ‘di ko kaya eh. Di ganun nararamdaman ko ‘tsaka ayaw ko pa talaga. Di pa ko ready ulit. Nandiyan yung takot na masaktan, namimiss yung nakaraan at ayaw ko talagan ng anumang hadlang sa kasalukuyan. Alam mo na, busy bee lang peg natin ngayon. Haha.”

(I feel sad for her. I know she loves me, but I can’t.. I don’t feel the same way and I think I don’t want any relationships yet. I’m not yet ready yet. I’m afraid to get hurt, missing the past, and I don’t want any hindrance to what is happening in the present. I’m too busy nowadays.)

At times he recalls the moments he spent together with his ex, the memories that have made up his smiles and dates that he looked forward to. As he steps one at a time, remembering the old days of their relationship, he knew that it is now a lost puzzle piece that became a part of himself with no assurance if the emptiness will be fill in by the new person that came into his life. Subconsciously comparing them, unintentionally missing the other. But he concludes that up to this day, he still reminisces those times but with no feelings, just plain remembering. But the fact that he had hurt the feelings of the other fills in his conscience. Not knowing how to tell the person that he is not interested and pursuing it more would mean more pain and difficulty.

Behind the Scenes

What makes moving on difficult? No matter how we perceive things, no one can truly explain how, why or how long moving on will take place. Some say that moving on will only be complete when you have found someone better to replace the former.

“‘Di ko rin alam eh. Madalas miss ko siya [ex]. Andiyan yung mga bagay na magpapaalala sa kanya. Mga pangyayari, mga lugar kung saan kayo dati magkasama, mga ganun..” he answered when asked about why moving on is difficult for him.

(I don’t know.. Often times I miss my ex. Things that make me remember her, events, places we often hang out before.. those things..)

Waking up to reality that now is not like before is frustrating. When we look forward for another day knowing that he or she is yours and that you are his. And when the sad moment of breaking up occurs, we tend to get used to the earlier days and take time to adjust to reality. No matter how much we deny, we start to compare him or her to the people that have come into our life. Undecipherable it may be, how love can work, how it seem to manipulate our thoughts and haunt us to the ghost of our fantasies and ideals.

Regards to my best friend Armen (http://maypinaghuhugutan.blogspot.com) for suggesting about this blog post. Lels.

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