My consistency in blogging is dying yet again. And worse is, I’m using my exhaustion from work as an excuse to slack off. Writing has always been my passion, but unlike others, I fail to consistently show that it is, indeed, something I love to do. Recapping the counter, I only wrote 2 on this blog this month including this, 1 on Thought Catalog and none for When In Manila, while I used to do over 10 a month when I started.
When I watch movies, or read something inspirational, I feel like I want to express something too. There’s a certain otch, an urge that makes me want to express something that I never thought needed expressing. (The Writer’s Toolkit, Simon Van Booy)
But all that crap of how much I love writing fades away every once in a while. One moment, writing means everything to me- literally- when it was the one powering up the bills and hobbies. But later on, it became a ‘whenever-I-feel-like-it’ kind of thing.
I know I will always go back to writing, but I wish I could be more passionate and committed to it the way other writers are. I’m not comparing myself to anyone, but I feel slightly envious with writers who are able to commit and maintain a number of hours per day dedicated to just writing. I wish I have that much creative juices to do so or more of, at least that much discipline to try.
I hate to admit it, but I only yet again, realized this after a conversation at 2am with a friend. He currently has at least 3 sources of income, and is pursuing a lot of other things on the side. It actually felt embarrassing because there’s so much things I want to achieve too and yet I’m not doing anything to reach them. I keep postponing everything till I can reason out that it’s already late and I need to sleep or that there’s still tomorrow to make up for today.
It’s quite annoying how I need a push or feel left out before I act on something. It sucks because it says a lot about my personality. I aim for progress but I easily get distracted or procrastinate on things that matter more than my laziness.
WHAT I NEED
Or more like my excuse of what I think I need- are more people to hold me accountable for things I want to do. Possibly throw in great people who I would feel embarrass to talk to because I don’t utilize my time and resources well.
I can’t just sit around waiting for someone to nudge me back to the road every single time I go off track. I need to be more independent with my tasks and be more driven by motivation and ambition- not spending time every weekend binge watching and binge sleeping.
Right now I’m flushed with a multitude of things I want to go back pursuing. All of my blogs and sites I contribute to, 2 of my businesses, pursuing a new business, graduate school and more. I have plans for each, but I can’t do all of them all at once.. instead, I suddenly stopped all of them just because I lost motivation. What the fudge right? Now what?
I want to get back into the playing field. And I really really need a push, or a reason, or a drive. Anything. Please?