I’m in that moment again. Contemplating about what I’m doing with my life. It’s sad really. 2016 is closer to an end by the day; which means I’m getting another number add up to my age; where I know I wasted another year; and where I’ll again question what I did. I swear it’s a never-ending cycle. And as the number of years since I graduated college rise up, so does my self pity, anxiousness, and self irritation.
Before I graduated, I had tons of plans. I timelined my life like how I would want it to go. I’ve checked almost 3 years off of my life since my life started (IMO, it starts when you graduate and get to pay bills) but I haven’t checked off any from my goal list. Heck, I could barely keep up with my every year’s New Year’s resolution in my head.
Little steps sounds fabulous, but if you’re like me who feels like I’m running out of time in everything I want to do.. it’s really freaking me out.
I want to do tons of things. Challenging things, get over my phone call fears, skydive, fall in love and get married, have cute babies, vacation on Europe, the list goes on… but my baby steps doesn’t seem to take me anywhere. It’s like the world is going at a distance that I can’t seem to keep up with it. And sooner or later, I’ll be dragged around like a toy car.
Life is dawning on me. Half of me feels like it is, half of me feels like it’s just me who’s feeling it. And it’s scary. I need someone to back me up, tap me and say everything’s fine, you’ll get where you want to be, I’ll be there for you.
I’m so deflated.
Daily Prompt – Subdued