Death by Numbers

Describe the last nightmare you remember having. What do you think it meant?

I’ve been studying regularly for my comprehensive examinations to get my diploma for my Master’s degree since January. When I started, I spent most of my time reviewing for my exams in Management Accounting and Financial Management. Unfortunately, compared to my passion in reading and writing, my mathematical skills are on the contrary— barely existing in interest and competence. Anything that involves numbers, regardless if it’s computational or analytical overwhelms me.

I spent an absurd amount of time daily reading and watching videos starting from basic Accounting because my fundamentals aren’t strong enough. I’m grateful for tutorial videos I found on many online course providers and I like to give credit to the Youtube channel Filipino Accounting Tutorial as it’s been a great help to ease my bewilderment.

But, have you ever wondered what being strangled by numbers feel like? Literally, numbers and formulas, chasing you down the street mocking and haunting you for your lack of proficiency with arithmetic. That was exactly how my nightmares went. I would dream about an endless list of Accounting problems and a frantic attempt to solve them. Every half an hour, I would wake up palpitating with the thought that I’ve failed my exams miserably.

I stopped reviewing the subject altogether when that happened for several consecutive days and I decided to refocus my energy on other subjects for now.

Honestly, writing about it now sounds extremely shallow and borderline ridiculous. But during the nights it happened, it made me anxious enough to think that graduating will define me, even though it shouldn’t be. It feels like it’s that one defining shot I have at proving myself.

At this point, I just sincerely hope that the results of my examinations bode well for me and my schoolmates who will also take it in a couple months.

Daily Post 365 Days of Writing Prompt: Nightmare
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  1. Sablay 2021: Got My Master’s, Finally! – Life and Lemons

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