Hey. It’s gonna be my first time to talk to you in so many years. I never had the courage to simply because I’m not sure how you’ll react or how you’ll take it. I have so many things I want to say, but let me start with Thank You.
I was naive. I knew almost nothing. But you never gave up on me along the way. We had our ups and downs – a lot of them in fact. And most of those it felt like giving it all up would be the best decision. So thank you for not giving up when it seemed like it was the greater option.
There were lots of things I didn’t understand then. But with a little boost and a little encouragement, I was able pull it off, somehow, with your help of course. I’m a little step further and I would never have thought of wanting more if it weren’t for the little notes of reminders you told me- “think about the future,” you said.
But apart from all the smiles and encouragements were also bruises that I would still question how I got or how I’ll cure. Would I ever know? But then I realized, that these are marks that I can forever hold dear- of which that taught me multiple things in life – of which that became part of who I was and who I am now – all of which I’ll be using in the years to come.
They told me you beat me up. Scars and wounds one that would remind me that life is a wondrous place and it doesn’t end with me alone. You broke me through your unending assessment and doubt. It hurt, because it felt like tiny demons piercing my heart, it all felt too real but it still never broke completely. But somehow, it was fine, because that vulnerability made me stronger.
Sometimes I felt like two inches tall and worthless. Like the world is gonna eat me up and swallow me whole and I’ll be gone without being able to prove myself, my worth and what I’ve become. But you told me that it was all temporary. Like a year from now, none of all what I’m crying over would matter as much anymore. That life is worth living – probably. You just have to make it through the vast but sometimes empty feelings that the world offers. Like it’s what makes every little achievement you do feel big anyway.
But you know what, despite all that, I’m thankful because if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t strive more. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t realize that the world is both cruel and kind. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t think that life isn’t a fairy tale with happy endings. Life is a journey- a never ending journey.
You made it. Not like you made it made it, but you’re here now, a little smarter, a little wiser, a little more practical, and a little more mature.
With love and hopefully riches,
your 22-year old self
PS. For those who didn’t understand, this is a letter to my ex self.
Daily Prompt – Profound